Miracle: I weaned myself from all my meds on August 15. As you recalled, I acted in defiance of my medical orders and took some progesterone on August 16. Again on August 18. And then no more progesterone. Those first 5-6 days post weaning were inhabited by cold sweats and obsessive inspections of the toilet paper. Nothing remotely pink turned up. What is more, I felt more nauseous and more fatigued. I was forced to conclude that my pregnant state was continuing.
Superstition: I have successfully put away the bottle of estr.ace. However, the bottle of promet.rium, despite being almost empty, is still required to sit on the bathroom shelf. This is purely out of superstition. If I move it to the cabinet, I may start bleeding.
Miracle: I heeded your suggestions and purchased a doppler. Mr. A had some reservations about this. He petitioned against it, stating that it would only make me more anxious in the event that I couldn't find the heartbeat. True, I said, but then I can drive myself to the doctor's office and get that checked out if I'm so worried. I told him all the blog women were doing it. That sealed the deal. Doppler arrived on Friday. Couldn't quite make out the hb on that day, although the machine seemed to be picking something up that was around 125 bpm (certainly not mine, which is really slow). But I tried again on Saturday and used headphones that time and I'm pretty sure I heard it.
Miracle: 12 weeks today and I seem (oh please, please, please) to still have a living fetus inside of me.
Superstition: My nausea is abating. Isn't that a clear sign that my fetus is dead? I guess this is about the time when nausea should decrease, but last time, the decrease in nausea was the one sign that told me (in retrospect) that things were amiss. That being said, I only noticed a little decrease this weekend, right around the 12-week mark. Shit, I sure hope everything's a-ok in there.
Miracle: Hoping for one tomorrow at the NT scan. I will keep you posted.
Showing posts with label medication weaning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label medication weaning. Show all posts
Monday, August 27, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
10w4d update
Labels:
medication weaning,
T1
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comments
I'm glad you are all taking the ice water testicle advice seriously. Go and spread the news. I think we are on the brink of eliminating infertility altogether with this breakthrough.
It's been a fairly intense few weeks. I know there was a lot going on in the external world, but I've been focused inward. There's a way in which I feel not very present in my life, but I realize an internal focus is an appropriate point of perspective for pregnancy (did you like the aliteration?).
Women, I don't even know how to thank you for literaly carrying me on your shoulders in the last few weeks. I was SUCH a wreck in the week leading up to the last ultrasound and you let me go on about it and offered the most compassionate comments and emails. Thank you for understanding my level of panic, and letting me get through it without telling me to buck up. There are times when you can't even begin to hold yourself together, you just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I feel like my simple thank you isn't really illustrative of how grateful I am to you all. I guess you'll have to trust me on that one. I owe you all big time.
I'm probably on the verge of another freak out, calculated by the length of time since the last ultrasound and the amount of time until the next one (August 28). But while I am relatively calm (I'll qualify that later), let me give you an update on this pregnancy.
First Prenatal Visit
I met with my family doctor last week for my first prenatal visit. My family doc continues to be a superstar. I think she spent 45 minutes with me that day, the time needed to do the physical and to answer all my questions. My weight was right at pre-transfer level. I did lose about 4-5 pounds in the first few weeks because of the nausea, but seem to have adjusted. I don't know how this whole weight gain business is going to go for me, but I'm keeping an open mind.
I asked my doctor about whether she would refer me to a local OB or to the MFM clinic in the big university hospital center 30 minutes away. She thought about it, and called me later to say that she would refer me, and if they felt the referral inappropriate, they would flip it back to her. That's what happened. So a regular OB it is, which is completely fine with me. It means that if (when, Augusta, when) there is a baby to be delivered, it will be in Pleasantville and not 30 minutes away. She booked me with a new OB in town, about whom she's heard very good things. My appointment is October 5 - which seems like a couple lightyears away.
I had a concern about my iron levels, since I sort of cheated and never took a true prenatal vitamin. Instead, I've been taking a multi without iron every other day, and a multi with low iron on the other days, as well as extra calcium, high powered folic acid, vitamin D and probiotics. I figured I had most of my bases covered with that cocktail, but I was anxious for blood work. My iron came back A-ok. She noted that my B-12 was on the low end of average and asked me to supplement, which I promptly did. Otherwise, all was well on my insides.
She tried the doppler, but at 9w2d, she was really not sure whether she would find it. We had that conversation in my last first prenatal visit, and we never found the heartbeat. She was quick to reassure me that it most often couldn't be found this early, but in reality, owlet didn't have a heartbeat anymore. This time, she couldn't really find it either. Except when we both heard it very briefly and then lost it. I was nauseous on that day and many days since, so I'm trying not to read into it.
I made arrangements for my integrated prenatal screening, which includes an ultrasound at 12w. I'll probably be a wreck again, but I will get through it. August 28 will not come fast enough.
Weaning
This past Wednesday was the last day to be on all my meds. I was still taking estr.ace, prome.trium, and del.estrogen. As per my instructions from SG, I stoped taking them. Yesterday was my first drug free day. I had some UES throughout the afternoon, and made the mistake of calling it cramping. Bad mistake. By the time I got home after work, I did what any red-blooded infertile would do and shoved some progesterone up my hoo-ha. I feel like a crack addict, except my bliss comes with messy vaginal discharge. Will I get through the day without falling off the wagon - we'll see.
Ok, I guess I am technically at work and should do some work. Have a great weekend.
It's been a fairly intense few weeks. I know there was a lot going on in the external world, but I've been focused inward. There's a way in which I feel not very present in my life, but I realize an internal focus is an appropriate point of perspective for pregnancy (did you like the aliteration?).
Women, I don't even know how to thank you for literaly carrying me on your shoulders in the last few weeks. I was SUCH a wreck in the week leading up to the last ultrasound and you let me go on about it and offered the most compassionate comments and emails. Thank you for understanding my level of panic, and letting me get through it without telling me to buck up. There are times when you can't even begin to hold yourself together, you just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I feel like my simple thank you isn't really illustrative of how grateful I am to you all. I guess you'll have to trust me on that one. I owe you all big time.
I'm probably on the verge of another freak out, calculated by the length of time since the last ultrasound and the amount of time until the next one (August 28). But while I am relatively calm (I'll qualify that later), let me give you an update on this pregnancy.
First Prenatal Visit
I met with my family doctor last week for my first prenatal visit. My family doc continues to be a superstar. I think she spent 45 minutes with me that day, the time needed to do the physical and to answer all my questions. My weight was right at pre-transfer level. I did lose about 4-5 pounds in the first few weeks because of the nausea, but seem to have adjusted. I don't know how this whole weight gain business is going to go for me, but I'm keeping an open mind.
I asked my doctor about whether she would refer me to a local OB or to the MFM clinic in the big university hospital center 30 minutes away. She thought about it, and called me later to say that she would refer me, and if they felt the referral inappropriate, they would flip it back to her. That's what happened. So a regular OB it is, which is completely fine with me. It means that if (when, Augusta, when) there is a baby to be delivered, it will be in Pleasantville and not 30 minutes away. She booked me with a new OB in town, about whom she's heard very good things. My appointment is October 5 - which seems like a couple lightyears away.
I had a concern about my iron levels, since I sort of cheated and never took a true prenatal vitamin. Instead, I've been taking a multi without iron every other day, and a multi with low iron on the other days, as well as extra calcium, high powered folic acid, vitamin D and probiotics. I figured I had most of my bases covered with that cocktail, but I was anxious for blood work. My iron came back A-ok. She noted that my B-12 was on the low end of average and asked me to supplement, which I promptly did. Otherwise, all was well on my insides.
She tried the doppler, but at 9w2d, she was really not sure whether she would find it. We had that conversation in my last first prenatal visit, and we never found the heartbeat. She was quick to reassure me that it most often couldn't be found this early, but in reality, owlet didn't have a heartbeat anymore. This time, she couldn't really find it either. Except when we both heard it very briefly and then lost it. I was nauseous on that day and many days since, so I'm trying not to read into it.
I made arrangements for my integrated prenatal screening, which includes an ultrasound at 12w. I'll probably be a wreck again, but I will get through it. August 28 will not come fast enough.
Weaning
This past Wednesday was the last day to be on all my meds. I was still taking estr.ace, prome.trium, and del.estrogen. As per my instructions from SG, I stoped taking them. Yesterday was my first drug free day. I had some UES throughout the afternoon, and made the mistake of calling it cramping. Bad mistake. By the time I got home after work, I did what any red-blooded infertile would do and shoved some progesterone up my hoo-ha. I feel like a crack addict, except my bliss comes with messy vaginal discharge. Will I get through the day without falling off the wagon - we'll see.
Ok, I guess I am technically at work and should do some work. Have a great weekend.
Friday, July 27, 2012
welcome weaning? not sure
Labels:
medication weaning,
T1
0
comments
First of all, I know. I know, I know, I know. The placenta takes over. By about 10 weeks, it's all placenta all the time.
Still. I am experiencing weaning worries.
Probably not entirely rational.
On Monday, after the ultrasound, I got a call from the U.S. RE congratulating us on the great u/s and the continuing pregnancy. I tried to ask him questions about weaning and he referred me back to the nursing staff. I decided not to be a door mat and just voice what my concern was. He still was quick to get me off the phone, but tried to answer my question. He seemed very sure in saying that ovaries don't do anything once the placenta takes over.
That's also what my research on the subject has led me to believe, but when one has ovaries that cannot be visualized on an u/s and have never put out any amount of estrogen or progesterone, one has to be 100% sure of this. There's another life at stake now.
The nurse phoned later on in the day. She said that she wanted me to stop my PIO the next day and start prometrium. I balked. At 7w1d? Are you kidding me? When I expressed my discomfort, she showed a willingness to negotiate. While she asks me to trust the treatment team, she also wants me to be comfortable with the steps taken. She mentioned that most women want to get off the injections as soon as is possible, and so that's why the transition to vaginal progesterone happens now in their protocol. I said I had no problem at all with sticking a 1.5" needle in my ass every night (and two on some nights) for as long as it takes. So, I bought myself another week of PIO. Weird on this brings me greater peace of mind.
I am waiting to receive the weaning schedule, but our nurse said that I would be off all medications by August 15. That will be week 10, when it's all placenta all the time.
Dr. RE, our local doctor, wanted to make sure that was well handled, because of what happened last time. We established that the m/c didn' happen because of a lack of progesterone, since I was due to completely wean the day of the u/s of doom. It's hard to have one doc who says we should be cautious and one doc who says you're just like everyone else.
Maybe I am just like everyone else, or other women who go through DE. But the fear is that my complete failure in having a working reproductive system is somehow going to affect the pregnancy. It's not that crazy to think that, really, since we are talking about reproduction. On the other hand, we aren't talking about reproduction anymore (that happened in the lab already), but talking about gestation. And perhaps gestation really is all placenta all the time.
I am thanking my lucky starts that Dr. RE went ahead and booked me for an u/s at 9w. SG did not order another u/s and so I would not have had one until 12w or so through my family physician. That would have meant getting through many weeks of FEAR and ANXIETY without any reassurance (ok, the constant nausea helps to remind me of what's going on).
On a much sadder note, my heart breaks for Jay who just found out yesterday that her little one did not make it. Please go send her some love if you'd like.
Still. I am experiencing weaning worries.
Probably not entirely rational.
On Monday, after the ultrasound, I got a call from the U.S. RE congratulating us on the great u/s and the continuing pregnancy. I tried to ask him questions about weaning and he referred me back to the nursing staff. I decided not to be a door mat and just voice what my concern was. He still was quick to get me off the phone, but tried to answer my question. He seemed very sure in saying that ovaries don't do anything once the placenta takes over.
That's also what my research on the subject has led me to believe, but when one has ovaries that cannot be visualized on an u/s and have never put out any amount of estrogen or progesterone, one has to be 100% sure of this. There's another life at stake now.
The nurse phoned later on in the day. She said that she wanted me to stop my PIO the next day and start prometrium. I balked. At 7w1d? Are you kidding me? When I expressed my discomfort, she showed a willingness to negotiate. While she asks me to trust the treatment team, she also wants me to be comfortable with the steps taken. She mentioned that most women want to get off the injections as soon as is possible, and so that's why the transition to vaginal progesterone happens now in their protocol. I said I had no problem at all with sticking a 1.5" needle in my ass every night (and two on some nights) for as long as it takes. So, I bought myself another week of PIO. Weird on this brings me greater peace of mind.
I am waiting to receive the weaning schedule, but our nurse said that I would be off all medications by August 15. That will be week 10, when it's all placenta all the time.
Dr. RE, our local doctor, wanted to make sure that was well handled, because of what happened last time. We established that the m/c didn' happen because of a lack of progesterone, since I was due to completely wean the day of the u/s of doom. It's hard to have one doc who says we should be cautious and one doc who says you're just like everyone else.
Maybe I am just like everyone else, or other women who go through DE. But the fear is that my complete failure in having a working reproductive system is somehow going to affect the pregnancy. It's not that crazy to think that, really, since we are talking about reproduction. On the other hand, we aren't talking about reproduction anymore (that happened in the lab already), but talking about gestation. And perhaps gestation really is all placenta all the time.
I am thanking my lucky starts that Dr. RE went ahead and booked me for an u/s at 9w. SG did not order another u/s and so I would not have had one until 12w or so through my family physician. That would have meant getting through many weeks of FEAR and ANXIETY without any reassurance (ok, the constant nausea helps to remind me of what's going on).
On a much sadder note, my heart breaks for Jay who just found out yesterday that her little one did not make it. Please go send her some love if you'd like.
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