superstitions and miracles

Miracle: I weaned myself from all my meds on August 15. As you recalled, I acted in defiance of my medical orders and took some progesterone on August 16. Again on August 18. And then no more progesterone. Those first 5-6 days post weaning were inhabited by cold sweats and obsessive inspections of the toilet paper. Nothing remotely pink turned up. What is more, I felt more nauseous and more fatigued. I was forced to conclude that my pregnant state was continuing.

Superstition: I have successfully put away the bottle of estr.ace. However, the bottle of promet.rium, despite being almost empty, is still required to sit on the bathroom shelf. This is purely out of superstition. If I move it to the cabinet, I may start bleeding.

Miracle: I heeded your suggestions and purchased a doppler. Mr. A had some reservations about this. He petitioned against it, stating that it would only make me more anxious in the event that I couldn't find the heartbeat. True, I said, but then I can drive myself to the doctor's office and get that checked out if I'm so worried. I told him all the blog women were doing it. That sealed the deal. Doppler arrived on Friday. Couldn't quite make out the hb on that day, although the machine seemed to be picking something up that was around 125 bpm (certainly not mine, which is really slow). But I tried again on Saturday and used headphones that time and I'm pretty sure I heard it.

Miracle: 12 weeks today and I seem (oh please, please, please) to still have a living fetus inside of me.

Superstition: My nausea is abating. Isn't that a clear sign that my fetus is dead? I guess this is about the time when nausea should decrease, but last time, the decrease in nausea was the one sign that told me (in retrospect) that things were amiss. That being said, I only noticed a little decrease this weekend, right around the 12-week mark. Shit, I sure hope everything's a-ok in there.

Miracle: Hoping for one tomorrow at the NT scan. I will keep you posted.