eggs!

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I just listened to my voice messages at home, and it looks like we've got some eggs. The last count was 20 follicles. Yet, 26 eggs were retrieved. Sophie is amazing!

13 of those are ours.

The eggs are probably being courted by Mr. A's boys as we speak.

Let there be embryos.

It's time

I got an email yesterday stating that Sophie was going to trigger last night. Wow. I did not expect it would come so soon, but golly, I was excited to read that. The previous day, the email received had stated that her biggest follie was 17mm and that it would probably be 2-3 more days of stims until she triggered. Apparently not. Her egg retrieval is scheduled for Monday (tomorrow!), which means that our transfer will be on Saturday, June 23. I start my PIO shots this evening.

wow

We have kicked into high gear with trip preparations. There will be LOTS of time on different trains, so I am thinking about all the reading materials, magazines, etc, I will bring. What do you like to have when you go on long trips?

I am feeling rather positive about all this. Hope has crept back into my heart, on cue. I feel that taking the long view has helped me tremendously. If it doesn't work this time, we'll just go back in August and try again. We'll keep trying until it works or until we can no longer go forward. 

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Eggs

My body has never produced eggs. The sum total of eggs I've ever produced is 0. Never ovulated. 99.99% likely that I never will. The circumference of all the eggs I should have produced in my reproductive years is the distance between us and our child. Today, we were able to start bridging that span.

We met at the clinic at 8am for the egg retrieval. Sattva looked tired, and said her belly was very unhappy. She also couldn't have coffee on the way over. I felt pretty bad for her, and just wanted the procedure to be over so she could start to feel some relief. We were all invited to the prep/recovery room where we stayed while she went in for the procedure. Once they got her on IV, and gave her antibiotics, things went pretty quickly. They wheeled her out of there and brought her back within 20 minutes. She seemed drowsy, but she was doing great, and able to have something to drink and eat right away after the procedure. Sattva started crying when telling me there were only 6 eggs. And all I could think and try to convey was that 6 was infinitely more than 0. The nurse caught this, and said under her breath that we were so cute. It felt more like poignant for me, but I caught the spirit of what she was saying. I guess there is something inherently and universally beautiful about an act of such altruistic proportions. I held my tears back, with my ever present clinician hat on, thinking I have to be strong when someone is feeling vulnerable.

Sattva was given tyl.enol 3s, ate some food and had a little nap, while Mr. August and I sat beside her. Just before we left, Mr. A was called to produce his sample. He was gone a long time and I was nervous that he was getting performance anxiety. He told me that the sample-producing room was in a hallway with traffic, and that it was pretty distracting when trying to get the job done. I was sending him sexy vibes. He finally came back with a smug expression, which I took as an excellent sign. The lab gave us the go ahead to leave, meaning that the sample was adequate.

When Sattva was changing, I asked the nurse about whether there was a high likelihood that we wouldn't be called back for Friday, meaning that none of the eggs would turn into embryos. Her face said it all when she expressed that this was unlikely. Having never gone through IVF, I wanted her opinion on this. I also wanted to reassure myself and Sattva. The nurse felt it was likely that we would get 2 good fresh embryos, and that embryos to freeze would be a bonus. Again, starting from nothing, I feel overjoyed at this prospect. The nurse could tell that I was anxious and suggested that she have our Nurse Case Manager call us tomorrow with an interim update on the embies. The lab will call Thursday afternoon with the fertilization report.

Mr. August, who had rented a car to get himself and Sattva over to FTT from Pleasantville, went to visit parents while Sattva and I returned home. We had a good conversation about work in the car, and then it was time to take her pain meds again, and she fell asleep. I dropped her off very groggy, and was glad to see that her husband was home. My next stop was my favourite flower shop to order a beautiful bunch of spring flowers for our beloved Sattva. I got it from the same flower shop that did our wedding flowers.

And now I must sign off and work on prepping for the defense.  I will keep you posted as we hear from the clinic. I am feeling optimistic, and very blessed.

Spring Forward

Picture this commonplace scene from our past. March 6th to 9th, 2008. Sattva, C. and I are in Chicago for the Society for Research on Adolescence conference. We had decided to take the earliest flight back home on the Sunday morning, given that we all had lives to get back to. What we didn't account for when buying our plane tickets was the time change. Clocks are changed in the night of Saturday to Sunday, and when we get the wake-up call, all three of us are confused about what time it is and whether we've missed our flight. In addition, we are still on EST, and Chicago is on CDT. Sattva is about 7-8 weeks pregnant with Ginger, and by the time our cab pulls into O'Hare, she is green with nausea. It's so damn early; it's dark like 3am. We make it with time to spare and I run around the airport, desperate to find something to put in Sattva's belly to make the nausea go away. I have a picture engraved in my mind of her sitting on an airport waiting area bench, looking pale, yet relieved that I was bearing coffee and baked good. 


Picture this more unusual scene from this morning. March 13, 2011. Sattva and I are both expected in FTT for an u/s, and Sattva also needs to get blood work. I get up at 5:15, but because of the change to daylight savings time,  it really feels like 4:15. I get to her house at 5:45. We drive in the night. It's so damn early; it's dark like 3am. In the car, Sattva tells me that her ovaries feel very big. We get to the blood work lab. Her name is not on their list. Weird. She goes in and I almost fall asleep on my chair. We drive to the hospital and find parking on the second floor of the parking garage. It must be Sunday. We wait in the waiting room until the nurse comes to get Sattva (no receptionists on Sunday. Too bad, I was wearing my name tag), and soon after comes to get me. Sitting outside the u/s room, I can hear that it's Dr. RE who is on call. This brings me infinite reassurance. I trust him so much at this point. When one of the two change rooms becomes available, I go in and know that Sattva is the one getting the u/s on the other side of the door. Despite the music playing in the change room trying to cover the conversations going on in the u/s room, I hear Dr. RE call out the size of the follies. It all sounds good to me, in the 1.6 to 2.0 range. I think I count 9, but I'm not sure. My turn comes, and the resident is the one doing the u/s. She tries to visualize my uterine lining, but is not quite getting it. Dr. RE moves her over gently, and locates what he wants to see. It's still good. 7.5 he said. I'm wondering how it went from 9 to 7.5, but if he says 7.5 is good, that's all I need. They tell me that Sattva will trigger tonight and that retrieval will be on Tuesday.   

Following the u/s, the nurse took us into her office to teach the HCG trigger shot to Sattva. She also helped Sattva by extracting the last bits of meds from her 2 used go.nal-f pens so that she could get her final dose tonight. Sattva inquires about follies and the nurse tells her there are 8. We leave and make our way to the elevator. Sattva looks concerned. She feels that 8 is not enough. Meanwhile, I'm overjoyed to get that many, and all within a very close range in size. When your ovaries do not produce eggs, any amount is a miracle. 8 has always been my favourite number.

This gets more real everyday. Mr. August wanted to talk about midwives versus OB at brunch this morning. I humoured him, knowing that if things go south, I will look back on this conversation with great sadness. But at this point, my heart is completely in it. It's like when you are 17 and you lust after a boy very much,  and you can see yourself falling and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. I already knew my heart had to be in it. I already knew that if things didn't work out, it would hurt. I am doing this consciously. I want you to remind me to read this post if or when things go south and I start loathing myself for going through with the DE IVF. I made the choice with full knowledge of potential consequences.

But let's stay north for a while longer here (instead of talking about things going south). I decided to go to work tomorrow, and take the rest of the week off. Sattva and Mr. A will drive to FTT together on Tuesday morning and I'll meet them at the hospital. I'll drive Sattva home and then focus the rest of the week on preparing the presentation for my defense. Do you think I've been able to concentrate on that at all? Not so much. I've booked an acupuncture treatment for Thursday afternoon and we will go in for the embryo transfer on Friday morning (if all goes well and embryos get made). This is getting more real everyday.

Thank you for cheering me on. I feel very blessed to have you with me.