On the brink of 30

Oh, if only that were my age! Well, I'm still pretty darn grateful to be on the brink of 30 weeks in this pregnancy. I'm sorry to bore you with this again, but it still is completely unreal (and I say that as gummy elbows me in the ribs).

I am surviving the Holidays. It is not my favorite time of year. This year, I decided that being a good daughter was more important than being true to what I really want. So I traveled to Montreal and played the good daughter part for far too many days. Despite it driving me almost completely bananas (my current visit to my in-laws is actually completing the process), I'm still glad I went. There were important moments to take part in. Chats about life and death. I still always feel peripheral in my family (in my life, really - which is another post), but there is value to being there, even in the periphery.

The family, both on my mother's and my father's side, is convinced I am carrying a baby boy. The best explanation was from my darling grandmother who explained that my tummy wasn't pointy, but more round and even, which clearly signaled a boy. I find it all amusing. I don't have a real sense about whether gummy is a girl or a boy. But I've got a requisition for a growth scan that might shed light on the matter.

I saw my OB on Friday, which is truly always a pleasure. Dr. Smiley is like a brook in spring. Despite the Christmas eating, I had gained only 3lbs since the last appointment. She asked about that, and my best explanation was a stomach bug combined with my licensing exam, followed by a cold. One cannot be earnest in their effort to gain weight in those circumstances. And Christmas brought some good eating, but meals were often consumed with a dose of irritation, since most of them were with my mother. And irritation can fill you up. Oh, to be more tolerant of my poor mother.

My blood pressure was great, again. I was thinking it would be awful, since I was running on a few hours of sleep (we left Montreal in a record breaking snow storm, which meant that our train was delayed by 5 hours. We got home at 4:30am, to the very lonely and relieved Chicken). I also just started having the ankle swelling everyone warns you about. My socks leave troughs of significant proportions on my lower legs, which is fascinatingly gross.

I was happily surprised to learn that I am nowhere near having gestational diabetes. Woohooo! The nurse said I wasn't even flirting with the borderline range. My iron, B12, etc. were all good.

Dr. Smiley did note that I was measuring ahead in terms of fundal height. Knowing who she is dealing with, she told me twice not to worry about it. I've avoided asking Dr. Google about it, and I will continue to tell myself that baby gummy is just long. From her palpation, she could also tell that gummy is breach right now. It clarified that what I have been feeling at the top of my abdomen are in fact elbow pokes and wee head butts.

Despite my lack of enthusiasm for the Holidays, I feel thankful. I rub my belly and think that if gummy arrives safe and sound, I will be a mother. I am so lucky. So very lucky. 

Halfway today

Yes, it's true. 20 weeks on the dot. Unfreakinbelievable.

A few things before I launch into boring pregnancy updates.

1) I LOVED your comments on my last post. Thank you so much ladies. I feel like writing that post helped me clarify some of the inner conflict I had pulling at me from within. And reading your comments helped remind me that we really all struggle with emerging from infertility into motherhood. We all (will) get there, somehow.

2) I am so thrilled by all the great news in blogland lately. A huge congrats to Egghunt, Ginger and Lime, J.J., La Fille who are finding themselves pregnant, after years of struggle and loss. I cannot tell you, women, how much my heart sings to think of you pregnant. And I also want to acknowledge those who are still waiting. In particular my dear friend Patience, who has had to watch everyone go first, and still doesn't get her turn to be a mom. I continue to hold hope for you, my friend, and can't even imagine the happy dance we will all do when the call finally comes.

Now for updates:

The anatomy scan was on Friday. It went very well indeed. I think gummy is the most beautiful fetus in the world. I was expecting to find out the sex of our baby, but the tech told me it was too early. At the time, I made as though I believed what she was saying, but in all honesty, I think it's hogwash. I know some of you have found out earlier than 19w4d, which is where I was at on Friday. I later talked to Sattva, who said she heard tell Pleasantville General Hospital had gotten into some hot water over revealing the sex of babies, and were now trying to avoid the practice altogether. It wasn't too big of a disappointment, especially when I got to see that gummy looked so healthy. I asked about the shadow, not expecting that anything could be said about that, but was happily surprised when the tech said she couldn't see it at all. She then volunteered that it was a nonfused chorion, the most benign of all three possibilities. How do you spell relief? (apparently, you spell it r-e-s-o-l-v-e-d n-o-n-f-u-s-e-d c-h-o-r-i-o-n).

I've also hired a doula to help us with the birth. When I thought about who Mr. A and I are as people, and how we handle our own and each other's anxiety, it felt like we probably needed the presence of a calming third influence in the midst of what's going to be a beautiful and likely painful experience. Despite the recommendations to shop around, I think I like the one I met on the weekend well enough to hire her.

I am wondering if the little sensations I feel sometimes are perhaps kicks from long legged gummy (this kid is going to run marathons one day). I've got the anterior placenta situation, so I know that it's supposed to take longer to feel the movements in this situation. One of my work friends described the movement akin to when your eye starts to twitch, and somehow, that was closer to what I had been feeling than gas bubbles. So, I think I may be feeling gummy move, but it's not with any certainty yet.

One last anecdote before I sign off. I went for a walk with a friend yesterday, and when she gave me a hug, she squealed and said she could feel my bump. I have not taken any pictures of the bump yet, but I think it might be time to start that. Watch for it in the gummy bear tab.