the wilderness or 6w2d

I decided it was prudent to pee on a stick again yesterday morning. Why? I'm not sure. I just had some leftover from the July 5th stash and wanted to just see that plus sign appear. Well, I'm apparently very pregnant because there was no waiting for a line to appear. It seemed that as a response to my tomfoolery, the cosmic giggle came down on me and I barfed out most of my breakfast (the uneaten portion still in the bowl on my kitchen table). Dude, the universe said, YOU'RE PREGNANT!

Ok, I get it, says the girl currently nibbling on dry rice cake bits (I recommend the lunberg plain salted).

I feel like pregnancy is a sort of deep wilderness. One is certainly a visitor in a strange land. Getting through the day is a goal that repeats each morning, necessitating the right combination and timing of hydration, carb intake, and walking. The nausea is serious, and I am managing it. Although I am a little apprehensive when I read that it is most intense from weeks 7 to 12. Ladies, I think I'm in for a ride.

I had some spotting last Thursday. Nothing of any significance, either in colour or in volume. It did sweep me up and drop me into the land of tears for a few minutes, and then I grabbed hold of myself. I've known all along that spotting/bleeding was likely, and that it doesn't necessarily mean anything.

The ultrasound is booked for next Monday, July 23rd. We'll get to see if this gummy bear has a heartbeat.

I really enjoyed reading all your comments from my last post, and felt like all of a sudden, I had an arsenal to defend against the attack of FEAR and ANXIETY. I've actually started to write down all the strategies you've suggested on a list. I plan on carrying it around for the moments when I need immediate assistance.

I still don't know how this story ends, but it helps me to hold on to the words "we're having this baby." I've even started to integrate the fact of being pregnant into my dreams, which is much different than last time. I met with my beloved supervisor this week, and she said that I was making space for this baby and that it was my work right now. I think she's right.