let the waiting begin

I have made it back home, and you will be able to tell since once again, I will be wordy. You can't grow up French and not be wordy. Think of Proust and his 2-page sentences. You'd think that 3 degrees at English-language universities would have whipped it out of me. No. Pour mes lectrices françaises, je ne faisais qu'expliquer que je suis finalement de retour à la maison et que je n'avais même pas besoin de le déclarer puisque de constater que je suis redevenue volubile serait assez pour s'en rendre compte (mon iphone me l'empechais lorsque je voyageais). J'ai également fait référence à Proust parce que j'suis snob. 

The train rides were epic. We particularly liked the DC to Pittsburgh train going through the Appalachians. Except the part where I had to do my PIO shot while the train was moving. But I managed to do it in a train change room. I've never seen a change room on a train before, but certainly was glad to find it there on this particular train. The bathrooms are visibly germy, and I was loathe to stab myself in the ass amidst such an ensemble of microscopic friends.

It hit me this morning that I will drive myself crazy for the next 2 weeks. Scanning for symptoms and trying to determine what they mean is what I'll be doing, under the pretense of going to work and you know, working. There is nothing I can really do about it. I decided to take CGD's words to live by and apply them to my situation: lean into it. Let this be my declaration that I will stop resisting driving myself crazy and will just give into it.

Beta is on July 6.

Monday morning upon waking up in Pittsburgh, I felt a bit off. Something was a little weird with my digestion, nothing major. I chalked it up to train fatigue and had breakfast. Moving on. This morning, I was slightly queasy. Not nauseous, but slightly queasy. Oh boy, did my mind chew on that one like a fresh bone.

And I had to throw some math in, of course. Last time embryos entered my uterus (3dt), I felt a strong bout of nausea 5 days later. I wondered to myself whether this time, if I were to be pregnant, I would feel nauseous 3 days after the 5-day transfer. That would be this morning, so no, not nauseous, but slightly queasy.

Do you see how I will be fit to be tied by July 6?

I got word from the clinic today that out of all those embryos, only 1 is good enough to freeze. I was disappointed and pleased at the same time, if that's even possible. I thought there would be more to freeze, given that there were 11 growing. I lowered my expectations when the doctor mentioned that that some were sluggish and they were hoping for 1 or 2 to freeze. I'm glad there is at least 1 to freeze. And because this is shared risk, we can go through this 5 more times if we need to. I'm hoping not though. But I'm not the one who decides.

It was great to read all your comments along the way. I felt like I had a whole big section of the bleachers calling out our name loudly and with pep. Thank you to all of you readers, commenters, cheerleaders and witnesses.