the things we do for love

I have had an emotionally intense and very rich week. It started with the cycle dates being communicated last Wednesday (and confirmed today - hey, it did take a week), and it went deep from there. There is much to reflect upon about it, but let me start with one anecdote.

Context
I was visiting a number of much beloved friends in the US over the weekend, including everyone's favorite: Oat, as well as my friend the geologist who is living with stage 4 gastric cancer, my friend the Nepalese Dumpling, and my beautiful friend Dragonfly.

The trip was prompted by my (previously stated) desire to live in my life more fully, and to the fact that one of my friends above mentioned might have the blessing of fully living his life revoked in short order by themotherfuckingcancer. So off I went on my own, in my little Neko, to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

Zoom in
One of the stops on my whirlwind tour of the Commonwealth was at a 1-year-old's birthday party. My beloved Dragonfly is a mom and her sweat pea was turning one. I had been invited to the party, but never thought I would make it, since, you know, it's a 10+ hour drive. But there I was.

The infertile among babes 
Well, I know. It does sound like a recipe for disaster, going to a little one's birthday party. I already have the rule about NO BABY SHOWERS. But this is Dragonfly, people. I love her more than life itself. And her baby daughter. Oh my. I met her once in a dream when Dragonfly was 3- 4 months pregnant (before she told me it was a girl) and in the dream, we were the best of friends. I adored her before she was born. It was amazing to meet her in person. So I watched the sweet, young parents sing to their daughter, with their family and friends around them. I watched as they fed her a tiny cupcake and marveled at her delighted expression. I was filled with joy at this scene. 

A life lesson
It appears that a bitter old infertile can attend a 1-year-old's birthday party and a) not liquify into a mess of black bile, b) not sob uncontrollably while nursing a bottle of pinot, c) not retreat so much as to be mistaken for a new wall decal purchased on etsy, or d) leave the party feeling happier and more fulfilled than she did when she arrived. Ha! Take that infertility.

The take home
I need to keep opening my heart. There are wonderful things to be experienced with those I love.

From Woolcrazy