Sigh

I got very discouraged yesterday. It's not like this is really a long time to wait. We got unmatched last Monday. It's only been 2 weeks since we've selected our donor.

It's weighing on me this week. It wasn't last week but it is this week. I keep looking at my inbox, wondering when the email from the Donor Coordinator will land there. The ipho.ne dings so much in a day, you'd think it's Christmas time.

Yesterday was also April 2nd, the day we found out about the pregnancy last year. I had a heavy heart all day. Got through the day. Not at all gracefully, but I got through it. That's what counts. Thank goodness there was good news in Blogland, with Jess going to get her baby girl who was born on Sunday. It buoyed me to get such great news.

from Raceytay Photography

I try to remain respectful of how much I hurt, and respond gently to that. It's just a fact. Infertility has destroyed me in a way. No, not completely. But it has transformed me, and for now, it seems for the worse. I realize I may come to view that differently one day.

And then I think about how much worse it could be. I still have my life. I am still healthy. I have a job. I have good friends. I have a loving husband. There's my girl Chicken. We have enough money to buy food. We have a roof over our heads. We can even find a way to pay for DE IVF with the help of our families.

I'm just out of patience today. I'll find some again and apply it to this situation. But not today.