The holidays were what they were. No highs. No big lows. I worked for the majority of the time, with the 27 and 28 off, and Jan. 3 (today). I'm not used to working during the Holidays. At least not the whole time. This was different. We also did not go visit my family in Montréal. My expectations for the holidays were low and my expectations were met. I had this feeling of remoteness throughout, which is maybe why I couldn't really post anything. Posting is so intimate, and it felt too strange a thing to attempt with feelings of remoteness.
We spent Christmas eve and day with Mr. August's parents, and his brother and SIL from the left coast. This made Mr. August very happy, and that is what I focused on. I sat myself down and had a bit of a talking to myself. It's not always about you, Augs. Sometimes, it's other people's turn to have what they want. Of course, my idea of a great Christmas would be just the two of us (and a baby) making our own traditions. It would then be followed by time with friends for the rest of the Holidays, with exceedingly short visits with family members. I find it uncomfortable to be with Mr. August's parents and they seem to feel the same way. My present from them was a bar of soap. What's the message there, people? I don't even want to speculate. I should say that the time I spent there however, went pretty well. I enjoyed spending a bit more time with the SIL, who I don't know very well because a 6 hour plane ride separates us and also because of a cultural and language gap that doesn't always make communicating easy. SIL is Japanese and I don't always understand when she speaks English, to my great dismay (I'm a shrink, folks. I have this innate need to understand people). I feel a kinship with her, yet I haven't really been able to get close to her at all. But over the Holidays, I feel like we made some inroads. There was word in the family that she "cannot have children", but I have not worked up the courage to ask her about it yet (because if I can't always understand when she says common words like skating or sliding, I'm not sure how I'll do with fallopian tube).
There were two really nice parts to the Holidays, though. The first one is when I set some good boundaries and decided to head home on the morning of Boxing day. Mr. August and I had already talked about this and he had communicated this to his parents, so my departure was seamless. I got to spend a glorious 48 hours at my house with chicken. I watched some Gr.ey's Anato.my, season 4 that Mr. August got me as a present. Glorious and trashy! Watched 6 episodes in 2 evenings. The other nice part of the Holidays was New Year's eve. We ended up having a super lovely evening at one of my friend's. She made cheese fondue and chocolate fondue for desert. What do you mean I can't have dairy or wheat? I'll put that down as my New Year's resolution. It was delicious. I drank too much and fell asleep on the couch, but they woke me up as we neared midnight. We then hosted a New Year's day potluck at our house and it was well attended.
There were also a few great gifts. The best gift this year came in June and you know that it was Sattva's offer. I focused on that a great deal this Christmas as I let it sink into my heart more and more. This woman wants to put herself through uncomfortable and potentially painful medical procedures so that we can have a child. For no money. It astound me everyday. My mom, for all that I complain about her on this blog, sent me a whole pile of dineros. She wants me to treat myself to something nice. How about IVF with egg donation? I didn't tell her what I would do with the money, but thanked her over the phone and thanked her a thousand times in my heart. Her and my stepdad's contribution actually make a sizable dent in the total cost of the procedure.
And here is what Santa Pumpkin sent me:
Hoot! A little pumpkin coloured owl!!! I love it! Thank you, my dear Pumpkin.
I could write more about New Year's intentions and all that jazz, but I should really consider reducing the size of my posts, so I'll let that be part of my next one.
Tomorrow is our appointment with the program Psychologist. I'll update you either tomorrow evening or Wednesday evening.
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